Aw Shucks

The boardroom can be a dangerous place.

It can also be a raw bar.

But only if you close your eyes, concentrate and wish really, really hard.

… Or have access to email.

Introducing the Brooklyn Oyster Party, a traveling society of professional shuckers who’ll come to your office (or backyard/apartment/cigarette boat/decommissioned missile silo) and serve up a feast of fresh, raw shellfish, accepting reservations by email now.

In addition to hard work, a can-do attitude and a stack of incriminating photos, you now have a new tool to help you maintain your place high atop the corporate ladder: the goodwill that comes from bringing deskside oyster service to your office.

To get the ball rolling, you’ll contact the fish-mongering folks at Brooklyn Oyster Party and begin to piece together an order. Step 1: deciding which East Coast mollusks to use (options range from PEI’s finest to a few boutique Maine numbers). Step 2: commissioning a custom mignonette (muddled cucumber and white wine might be nice). Step 3: setting up the conference room for bar stool seating.

And if you’re worried a few perfectly dressed bivalves won’t be enough to properly punctuate the final summer Friday, there’re a few unlisted extras that can always be added. Namely, Florida stone crabs, spicy Bloody Marys and whole wheat lobster rolls with mayo, cayenne pepper and a light dusting of paprika.

RIP dozen jelly donuts.