Call It a Night

SUNDAY Escape Summer at Seaspice The Scene: Just a few dozen yachts fighting for dock space on the Miami River while celebutante types order bottles of Krug to accompany their seafood towers. There’s probably a DJ tucked away somewhere, but, honestly, it’s hard to make anything out in the sea of midriffs. Hashtags: #BottleService #BoatFriends #RidiculouslyOversizeGlasses

MONDAY Gio’s Total Split Show at Basement The Scene: There you are, innocently perfecting your bowling stride, when suddenly, a spandex-clad gentleman proffers you a wig and teaches you how to granny roll while a dominatrix stands by waiting to pour liquor down your throat and give you a spanking. True story. Hashtags: #BodyShots #GrannyRoll #WTF

TUESDAY Favela Beach at Wall The Scene: For over eight years, a sea of slick, toned bodies have congregated under a field of neon strobes to do what slick, toned bodies do best: gyrate on tabletops to DJs spinning house. Also, just generally being slick and toned. Hashtags: #Locals #IWearMySunglassesAtNight #NoChampagneNoGain

WEDNESDAY Havana Nights at Regent Cocktail Club The Scene: It’s still got that old-school, classic-gin-joint feel, but on Wednesdays, Julio Cabrera transforms this South Beach drinkery into a small slice of Havana with domino tournaments, cigars and a tony crowd swaying to live Cuban jazz… mostly because of the Old Fashioneds, though. Hashtags: #SnakeEyes #CigarBreaks #MojitosOrBust

THURSDAY Soul House at 1 Hotel The Scene: A stunning rooftop-pool scene with throngs of dancers moving to R&B, hip-hop and rock produced before 2000. For that, you can thank NYC’s legendary Soul House party. Hoist your flip-phone light up high. Hashtags: #TheSixthBorough #RaiseTheRooftop #NoNewSongs