There, there. You’ve been under a lot of stress lately.

But even if you haven’t, you’ll want to pretend you have.

Especially once you hear about Ciel Spa at Hyde Beach Kitchen + Cocktails, an oceanfront slice of serenity wherein you get massages and things and generally become a better person as a result. It’s open now in Hallandale Beach, and you may behold its many delights here.

Seems like there’s some sort of holiday coming up that might be best enjoyed with a special someone. And if you’re thinking this place might be a fit: yes.

It’s got a total of three treatment rooms. So it’s just you and maybe two other people. Maybe. Not a bad situation, really. Taking in the view of crashing ocean waves from a driftwood-and-nautical-rope-bedecked lounge. Then, contemplating the cyclical nature of life while enjoying some ceviche from the neighboring Hyde Beach.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. They’ve got a sauna that you’ll want to start off in. Followed by a massage that you can customize. Followed by more treatments in your private cabana that’ll be waiting on the sand outside.

Followed by you falling asleep and forgetting to eat ceviche.Goodbyes are never easy.

So let’s not say goodbye to 2015 just yet.

Instead, let’s take a step back and explore all the tiki-themed hot tubs, ice bars and taquerias hidden behind bathroom doors that came to pass this year. And let’s do it in the Best of 2015 slideshow. The one that we’ve conveniently placed right here.

Ready… break.No matter what you’re talking about, context is important.

And yet… is it?

Ponder that for a few.

Then take a look at the Year in Short. It’s that choice selection of random phrases and sentences down there that were taken from some of our stories this past year. Without any context.

Because, again… is it?

“You know what that means… highballs and Galaga.”

“… the waiter with a tablecloth cape delivering jeroboams while the Superman theme song plays…”

“… a bedside chalkboard used for notes… as a scorecard… whatever.”

“… a bar stocked with Japanese whiskey being led into action by a tiny Admiral Yamamoto…”

“You just knew David Byrne would find a way into this.”

“Maybe Canada’s making up for those ketchup chips. Who knows.”

“You could hurl yourself over every existing Bob’s Barricade in Brickell during rush hour.”

“It’s more or less the clothing that Biggie Smalls would wear if he ever went marlin hunting.”

“Champagne is poured. Glasses are clinked. The crowd dances on tabletops. Sh*t gets crazy.”

“… what’s with that guy posing with two bikini-clad women in the poster…”
Leisure

Anti-Resolutions 2016

Presumably, you’re four days into your resolutions. And presumably, that’s four days too long. So, you know what… f**k it. Eat a 64-ounce steak. Drink $9,650 worth of champagne. Or do any of the other things on the list below. These, friends, are your anti-resolutions.

The Anti-Resolution: A Deep-Sleep Ritual

THE RESOLUTION: BE PRODUCTIVE

The Anti-Resolution: A Deep-Sleep Ritual

So, Canyon Ranch is now the Carillon. And with that change, they’ve brought on a bunch of new spa treatments, including one called the Deep Sleep. You’ll start off floating so that your “brain releases alpha waves” for relaxation and end with a special sedating massage. Not today, productivity.

The Anti-Resolution: A 64-Ounce Steak

THE RESOLUTION: WATCH WHAT YOU EAT

The Anti-Resolution: A 64-Ounce Steak

You’ve probably had enough food by now to power you right on through 2016. But if a 64-ounce double rib steak served with onion rings and smoked horseradish cream wasn’t somehow part of that, well… you know what to do.

The Anti-Resolution: A Ridiculous Suite

THE RESOLUTION: STAY HOME MORE

The Anti-Resolution: A Ridiculous Suite

You could spend quality time at home, sure. Or you could spend quality time at 1 Hotel’s Presidential Suite instead. It’s got two king master bedrooms, a pool table alcove, a balcony with ocean views and a room service menu by Tom Colicchio. Home is where the Tom Colicchio’s is.

The Anti-Resolution: Investing in... This

THE RESOLUTION: MAKE SOUND INVESTMENTS

The Anti-Resolution: Investing in… This

Hypothetically, let’s say you have $40 million burning a hole in your pocket. A hole that can only be filled by a Star Island mansion once owned by Gloria Estefan. With seven bedrooms, a private pool, a hot tub and a dock. Hypothetically, you should also buy some new pants.

The Anti-Resolution: Champagne Madness

THE RESOLUTION: DRINK LESS

The Anti-Resolution: Champagne Madness

A jeroboam of champagne, to be exact. That’s roughly 152 ounces. But this isn’t just any 152 ounces of bubbly. This one’s brought out to your table by a server flying through the air dressed as Supergirl. Or you can opt to have it carried over by the Incredible Hulk instead. Not a tough call.

More Leisure in Miami

Let’s Get Some Important Oysters Back in Your Life

Basquiat, a New Brewery and the Triumphant Return of Momi Oyster

By Jackie Gutierrez-Jones

You’ve got to crawl before you weekend. 

Wednesday
Momi Oyster Is Back. It’s So Back.

MOMI OH MY

Momi Oyster Is Back. It’s So Back.

Good news: Momi Oyster is back in your life. In the same spot, no less. More good news: you can also sit at the adjacent Tino’s and order their oysters. Or stay at Momi and order pizza from Tino’s. Reciprocity is the sincerest form of flattery.

Thursday
Basquiat’s Notebooks and a Party to Accompany Them

BASQUIAT CASE

Basquiat’s Notebooks and a Party to Accompany Them

Starting tomorrow, you’ll get the chance to peruse Jean-Michel Basquiat’s personal notebooks at the PAMM. They’re also having an opening-night party with a Vodou-inspired dance performance and a DJ. Can’t forget the DJ, can we, Miami?

Saturday
New Brewery = All-Day Beer-ing

HOPS TO IT

New Brewery = All-Day Beer-ing

Flagler Village. It’s like Fort Lauderdale’s answer to Wynwood. And it has its own brewery now. Which is great for your Saturday plans, considering they’ll be throwing an all-day party with barrel-aged beers, guest taps and sriracha-lime wings. So that’s pretty much Flagler Village.

Sunday
Olympics. Champagne. Brunch. Go.

STAY GOLD

Olympics. Champagne. Brunch. Go.

Bagatelle, the brunch party behemoth that it is, has decided to get in on the Summer Games hype with an Olympics-themed brunch. Expect the usual suspects like champagne, caviar and seafood platters. But also, Rio 2016 decor along with an Olympics-inspired soundtrack and live show. Leave the Phelps face at home.

Monday
Swine Is Basically Going Omakase on You

OFF THE CUFF

Swine Is Basically Going Omakase on You

Here’s the plan for dinner at Swine this Monday:

1) Settle in at a table. Do away with the menu.

2) We said do away with the menu.

3) Share your culinary desires with the chef.

4) Partake in four courses custom-made for you. With wine.

5) Leave feeling pretty good about life.

Jackie Gutierrez-Jones

Jackie Gutierrez-Jones finds unhyphenated names quaint. She believes that croquetas and gin cocktails are suitable precursors to running and hoisting heavy weights over one’s head.

More Radar in Miami

Michy’s Fried Chicken Is Back in Your Life

But Also: The Goonies and a Spoils of Croquetas

By Jackie Gutierrez-Jones

Tic-Tac-Weekend

Wednesday
A New Tea Bar Has Arrived

YOU’RE IN STEEP

A New Tea Bar Has Arrived

There’s a new performance art/tea joint in town called Tea & Poets. You’ll find live music and the occasional spoken-word night there. But also, a tea bar. With concoctions like the Green Dragon, made with gunpowder green tea, lime, sugar and firewater bitters. Gunpowder and fire: what could go wrong?

Michy’s Fried Chicken Is Back. True Story.

FRIED AND TRUE

Michy’s Fried Chicken Is Back. True Story.

Sweet Liberty is now the only place you can indulge in plates of Michelle Bernstein’s famous buttermilk-marinated fried bird. And for $39, they’ll throw in a side, some dessert and one of their Tales of the Cocktail–approved drinks. Synergy, people. Synergy.

Thursday
Full-Moon-ing in a Brewery

LUNAR LANDING

Full-Moon-ing in a Brewery

What you’ll find at Concrete Beach’s full moon masquerade:

—Beer.

—3D projections.

—Silent disco.

—Telescopes and a live electricity demo by the Frost Museum of Science.

Beer pairs well with knowledge.

Friday
It’s Practically Raining Croquetas Here

CRO-MAGNON

It’s Practically Raining Croquetas Here

Croquetas: they’re arguably Miami’s primary source of sustenance. And on Friday night, 20 purveyors of the deliciously fried food ball will be competing for top honors. You’ll get to taste each one while enjoying Night Owl cookies, beer from Biscayne Bay Brewing and Cuban coffee. Strong secondary sources of sustenance.

Saturday
It’s 11:30pm. Saturday Night. You’re...

NEVER SAY DIE

It’s 11:30pm. Saturday Night. You’re…

… watching The Goonies in 35mm. At O Cinema Miami Beach. They’ll have beer and wine at the concession stand, too. Which is the preferred method of taking in the Truffle Shuffle in all of its glory.

Jackie Gutierrez-Jones

Jackie Gutierrez-Jones finds unhyphenated names quaint. She believes that croquetas and gin cocktails are suitable precursors to running and hoisting heavy weights over one’s head.

More Radar in Miami

“Sorry, can’t make it this afternoon. Doing this astronaut two-a-days thing.”

… is, oddly, something you can say now.

Shake it off at VibeClass Fitness, a new place in South Beach that specializes in 30-minute boot-camp-y classes that take place on a bunch of vibrating plates, now open. Here’s the slideshow.

The concept’s been around for a bit, but consider this a new take on the NASA-backed science behind it. See, turns out, standing on a lightly vibrating plate helps astronauts retain bone density and muscle when they’re dealing with a little thing called “zero gravity” up in space. And that’s all they focus on here.

For starters, there are 10 stations, most of them equipped with a vibrating plate and assorted implements meant to make things… uncomfortable (kettlebells, bands, medicine balls…). You’ve got three rounds at each station, each one made considerably harder by a personal trainer who’s there to make sure you’re sweating enough.

Oh, and throughout your workout, you’ll be wearing a heart rate monitor that’s reading all your vitals and displaying them on a big screen at the front of the room.

No pressure or anything.

Eating House’s Munchies Dinner. It’s Back.

Rooftop Poke. PB&J Poutine. That Sort of Thing.

By Jackie Gutierrez-Jones

Roses are red, violets are blue. Weekend. 

Wednesday
Hello, Bonobos Guideshop. It’s About Time.

BO KNOWS

Hello, Bonobos Guideshop. It’s About Time.

Good afternoon, and welcome to We’re Finally Getting a Bonobos Guideshop. On this episode, exactly that happens. Which means you just show up, try on all those washed chino shorts and flower-covered shirts you’ve been admiring online, and order them right there. Tune in next week when this program doesn’t exist anymore.

Friday
Two Hours of Beer and Never-Ending Oysters

SHUCK THE SYSTEM

Two Hours of Beer and Never-Ending Oysters

Midtown Oyster Bar is hosting their first Oyster Fest on Friday. Shockingly, it involves oysters. And how many of them you care to consume in two hours. Oh, plus $2 pints of Wynwood Brewing’s La Rubia. Because man cannot live off bivalves alone, or something.

Where You’re Watching the Olympics This Year

GOLD STANDARD

Where You’re Watching the Olympics This Year

Sure, you can watch the Olympics at home. But when presented with the option of viewing the games from a massive TV situated in a Copacabana-themed lounge at the Setai while partaking of vodka drinks garnished with gummy Olympic rings… well.

Saturday
A Sexy New Polynesian Spot at the 1 Hotel

FISH OUT OF WATR

A Sexy New Polynesian Spot at the 1 Hotel

We’ve been infiltrated. By poke and various other delicious Polynesian foodstuffs, but still. They’ve staked their claim on the rooftop of the 1 Hotel and named their operation Watr. They’ve even got a “cocktail-pairing connoisseur” among their ranks. Resistance is probably futile.

Sunday
Eating House’s Munchies Dinner Is Back

420/20 VISION

Eating House’s Munchies Dinner Is Back

Giorgio Rapicavoli’s 4/20 munchies dinner. If you’re one of the few who’ve gotten in, congrats. For everyone else, good news: he’s now serving seven of his best 4/20 courses, like Cap’n Crunch pancakes and PB&J poutine, until the end of September. So those seem like better odds.

Jackie Gutierrez-Jones

Jackie Gutierrez-Jones finds unhyphenated names quaint. She believes that croquetas and gin cocktails are suitable precursors to running and hoisting heavy weights over one’s head.

More Radar in Miami

There’s a New STK in Town

Short Rib by the Beach and Lollapalooza by the Pool

By Jackie Gutierrez-Jones

Don’t make the weekend stop this car.

Wednesday
Sales Are Great, and Here Comes a Big One

GOOD ADVISE

Sales Are Great, and Here Comes a Big One

The good news: Supply & Advise is having an end-of-season sale. So you get 40% off of stuff like August Fifteenth shorts, Gant Rugger blazers and Gitman Vintage button-downs. Hopefully you’re not still awkwardly hanging out and waiting for a part about bad news.

Nice Time of Year for a Garden Bar

GET OUT

Nice Time of Year for a Garden Bar

New weekday option to add to your roster: Villa Azur just opened up a new garden drinkery called Le Petit Bar, where you can partake of guava mojitos and blood orange sangria along with short rib croquettes and oysters. There’s something very right about croquettes in a garden.

Friday
There’s a New STK in Town

STK YOUR CLAIM

There’s a New STK in Town

There’s an STK in Downtown now. You know, for people who like sitting out on patios by the boulevard while drinking adult juice boxes and eating Wagyu beef burgers and lobster mac and cheese. Just in case you know someone.

Saturday
This Year, You Watch Lollapalooza Poolside

GO EAST

This Year, You Watch Lollapalooza Poolside

Just in case you aren’t in Chicago this weekend, East is livestreaming Lollapalooza on their fifth-floor pool deck. There’ll also be some silent-disco-ing and a photo booth to keep you entertained between sets. Bless their hearts.

Monday
So You Need a Little Help Navigating Miami Spice...

ROLL THE SPICE

So You Need a Little Help Navigating Miami Spice…

Here comes Miami Spice again. To wit…

If you’re the salty air type: Thyme at the Carillon Miami Beach is doing good things with chickpea panisse and braised short rib.

If you’re the river type: Consider Seaspice and their mango scones and brisket melts by the river.

If you’re both types: See above.

Jackie Gutierrez-Jones

Jackie Gutierrez-Jones finds unhyphenated names quaint. She believes that croquetas and gin cocktails are suitable precursors to running and hoisting heavy weights over one’s head.

More Radar in Miami

Look around you.

If your view noticeably lacks miles of turquoise ocean, frosty pints of beer and a whitewashed billiards table in the middle of it all…

Well.

It’s not too late. And with that in mind, we’ve assembled a guide to some of the newer happenings down in the Keys.

Naturally, a brewery will be involved.

And a completely see-through kayak.

And all this other stuff, too…

A Tropical Brewery Is What This Is
Yes, it’s the Keys’ very first microbrewery. This momentous achievement requires your respectful observance in their bright, mural-covered taproom, where mermaids sit atop taps and dispense honey hibiscus Kölsch and an oatmeal stout aged in rum barrels. Mermaids are good like that.
Florida Keys Brewing Company, 200 Morada Way, Islamorada, 305-916-5206

Pretty Much the Perfect Lunch
Just look at this place. You can already picture yourself pulling into Hawks Cay, finding a seat on this nautically outfitted deck and consuming sea-salt-covered tater tots, lobster Reubens and root beer floats. And we’re picturing…
Angler & Ale, 61 Hawks Cay Blvd, Duck Key, 305-209-9991

Kayaking Like You’ve Never Kayaked Before
Once upon a time, you kayaked in vessels that weren’t completely see-through. Silly you. Let’s rectify that immediately with this Key West outfit that’ll take you out on the water in a clear kayak. All the better to see those turtles, stingrays and barracuda with. Which could be a good or a bad thing.
Clearly Unique, 231 Margaret St, Key West, 305-747-8651

Dinner at a Yachting Paradise
Lighthouses are a majestic throwback to a bygone time, when one could sit dockside and consume the hogfish they’d caught that day, pan-seared by a chef, while watching mega-yachts navigate their way into a gulfside slip. Or maybe that’s what’s happening at this recently restored lighthouse right now. Same thing.
Faro Blanco Resort & Yacht Club, 1996 Overseas Hwy, Marathon, 305-743-9018

A Build-Your-Own Hotel Room
A brief statistical rundown of what’s happening at this hotel: one wraparound rooftop deck for scenic nightcaps, two jacuzzis for hot tub hopping, three pools for swimming and numerous ways to configure a room for you and a group of five grown adults. Comfortably. That last part’s the takeaway.
NYAH, 420 Margaret St, Key West, 305-296-2131

Billiards with a View
Your evening recreation: a round of pool at the Reach’s new steakhouse, Spencer’s. Order a beer and take your best shot while the Atlantic Ocean does its best to distract you from sinking that ball into the corner pocket. Bodies of water almost never play fair.
Spencer’s by the Sea at The Reach, 1435 Simonton St, Key West, 305-296-5000
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