There, there. You’ve been under a lot of stress lately.
But even if you haven’t, you’ll want to pretend you have.
Especially once you hear about Ciel Spa at Hyde Beach Kitchen + Cocktails, an oceanfront slice of serenity wherein you get massages and things and generally become a better person as a result. It’s open now in Hallandale Beach, and you may behold its many delights here.
Seems like there’s some sort of holiday coming up that might be best enjoyed with a special someone. And if you’re thinking this place might be a fit: yes.
It’s got a total of three treatment rooms. So it’s just you and maybe two other people. Maybe. Not a bad situation, really. Taking in the view of crashing ocean waves from a driftwood-and-nautical-rope-bedecked lounge. Then, contemplating the cyclical nature of life while enjoying some ceviche from the neighboring Hyde Beach.
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. They’ve got a sauna that you’ll want to start off in. Followed by a massage that you can customize. Followed by more treatments in your private cabana that’ll be waiting on the sand outside.
Followed by you falling asleep and forgetting to eat ceviche.Goodbyes are never easy.
So let’s not say goodbye to 2015 just yet.
Instead, let’s take a step back and explore all the tiki-themed hot tubs, ice bars and taquerias hidden behind bathroom doors that came to pass this year. And let’s do it in the Best of 2015 slideshow. The one that we’ve conveniently placed right here.
Ready… break.No matter what you’re talking about, context is important.
And yet… is it?
Ponder that for a few.
Then take a look at the Year in Short. It’s that choice selection of random phrases and sentences down there that were taken from some of our stories this past year. Without any context.
Presumably, you’re four days into your resolutions. And presumably, that’s four days too long. So, you
know what… f**k it. Eat a 64-ounce steak. Drink $9,650 worth of champagne. Or do any of the other things
on the list below. These, friends, are your anti-resolutions.
THE RESOLUTION: BE PRODUCTIVE
The Anti-Resolution: A Deep-Sleep Ritual
So, Canyon Ranch is now the Carillon. And with that change, they’ve brought on a bunch of new spa
treatments, including one called the Deep Sleep. You’ll start off floating so that your “brain releases
alpha waves” for relaxation and end with a special sedating massage. Not today, productivity.
THE RESOLUTION: WATCH WHAT YOU EAT
The Anti-Resolution: A 64-Ounce Steak
You’ve probably had enough food by now to power you right on through 2016. But if a 64-ounce double rib
steak served with onion rings and smoked horseradish cream wasn’t somehow part of that, well… you know
what to do.
THE RESOLUTION: STAY HOME MORE
The Anti-Resolution: A Ridiculous Suite
You could spend quality time at home, sure. Or you could spend quality time at 1 Hotel’s Presidential
Suite instead. It’s got two king master bedrooms, a pool table alcove, a balcony with ocean views and a
room service menu by Tom Colicchio. Home is where the Tom Colicchio’s is.
THE RESOLUTION: MAKE SOUND INVESTMENTS
The Anti-Resolution: Investing in… This
Hypothetically, let’s say you have $40 million burning a hole in your pocket. A hole that can only be
filled by a Star Island mansion once owned by Gloria Estefan. With seven bedrooms, a private pool, a hot tub
and a dock. Hypothetically, you should also buy some new pants.
THE RESOLUTION: DRINK LESS
The Anti-Resolution: Champagne Madness
A jeroboam of champagne, to be exact. That’s roughly 152 ounces. But this isn’t just any 152 ounces of
bubbly. This one’s brought out to your table by a server flying through the air dressed as Supergirl. Or
you can opt to have it carried over by the Incredible Hulk instead. Not a tough call.
More Leisure in Miami
Let’s Get Some Important Oysters Back in Your Life
Basquiat, a New Brewery and the Triumphant Return of Momi Oyster
Good news: Momi Oyster is back in your life. In the same spot, no less. More good news: you can also sit at
the adjacent Tino’s and order their oysters. Or stay at Momi and order pizza from Tino’s.
Reciprocity is the sincerest form of flattery.
Starting tomorrow, you’ll get the chance to peruse Jean-Michel Basquiat’s personal notebooks at the
PAMM. They’re also having an opening-night party with a Vodou-inspired dance performance and a DJ. Can’t
forget the DJ, can we, Miami?
Flagler Village. It’s like Fort Lauderdale’s answer to Wynwood. And it has its own brewery now. Which is
great for your Saturday plans, considering they’ll be throwing an all-day party with barrel-aged beers,
guest taps and sriracha-lime wings. So that’s pretty much Flagler Village.
Olympics. Champagne. Brunch. Go.
Bagatelle, the brunch party behemoth that it is, has decided to get in on the Summer Games hype with an
Olympics-themed brunch. Expect the usual suspects like champagne, caviar and seafood platters. But also, Rio
2016 decor along with an Olympics-inspired soundtrack and live show. Leave the Phelps face at home.
1) Settle in at a table. Do away with the menu.
2) We said do away with the menu.
3) Share your culinary desires with the chef.
4) Partake in four courses custom-made for you. With wine.
5) Leave feeling pretty good about life.
There’s a new performance art/tea joint in town called Tea & Poets. You’ll find live music and the
occasional spoken-word night there. But also, a tea bar. With concoctions like the Green Dragon, made with
gunpowder green tea, lime, sugar and firewater bitters. Gunpowder and fire: what could go wrong?
FRIED AND TRUE
Michy’s Fried Chicken Is Back. True Story.
Sweet Liberty is now the only place you can indulge in plates of Michelle Bernstein’s famous
buttermilk-marinated fried bird. And for $39, they’ll throw in a side, some dessert and one of their Tales
of the Cocktail–approved drinks. Synergy, people. Synergy.
Croquetas: they’re arguably Miami’s primary source of sustenance. And on Friday night, 20 purveyors of
the deliciously fried food ball will be competing for top honors. You’ll get to taste each one while
enjoying Night Owl cookies, beer from Biscayne Bay Brewing and Cuban coffee. Strong secondary sources of
NEVER SAY DIE
It’s 11:30pm. Saturday Night. You’re…
… watching The Goonies in 35mm. At O Cinema Miami Beach. They’ll have beer and wine at the
concession stand, too. Which is the preferred method of taking in the Truffle Shuffle in all of its glory.
More Radar in Miami
“Sorry, can’t make it this afternoon. Doing this astronaut two-a-days thing.”
… is, oddly, something you can say now.
Shake it off at VibeClass Fitness, a new place in South Beach that specializes in 30-minute boot-camp-y classes that take place on a bunch of vibrating plates, now open. Here’s the slideshow.
The concept’s been around for a bit, but consider this a new take on the NASA-backed science behind it. See, turns out, standing on a lightly vibrating plate helps astronauts retain bone density and muscle when they’re dealing with a little thing called “zero gravity” up in space. And that’s all they focus on here.
For starters, there are 10 stations, most of them equipped with a vibrating plate and assorted implements meant to make things… uncomfortable (kettlebells, bands, medicine balls…). You’ve got three rounds at each station, each one made considerably harder by a personal trainer who’s there to make sure you’re sweating enough.
Oh, and throughout your workout, you’ll be wearing a heart rate monitor that’s reading all your vitals and displaying them on a big screen at the front of the room.
Good afternoon, and welcome to We’re Finally Getting a Bonobos Guideshop. On this episode,
exactly that happens. Which means you just show up, try on all those washed chino shorts and flower-covered
shirts you’ve been admiring online, and order them right there. Tune in next week when this program
doesn’t exist anymore.
Midtown Oyster Bar is hosting their first Oyster Fest on Friday. Shockingly, it involves oysters. And how
many of them you care to consume in two hours. Oh, plus $2 pints of Wynwood Brewing’s La Rubia. Because
man cannot live off bivalves alone, or something.
Where You’re Watching the Olympics This Year
Sure, you can watch the Olympics at home. But when presented with the option of viewing the games from a
massive TV situated in a Copacabana-themed lounge at the Setai while partaking of vodka drinks garnished
with gummy Olympic rings… well.
FISH OUT OF WATR
A Sexy New Polynesian Spot at the 1 Hotel
We’ve been infiltrated. By poke and various other delicious Polynesian foodstuffs, but still. They’ve
staked their claim on the rooftop of the 1 Hotel and named their operation Watr. They’ve even got a
“cocktail-pairing connoisseur” among their ranks. Resistance is probably futile.
Eating House’s Munchies Dinner Is Back
Giorgio Rapicavoli’s 4/20 munchies dinner. If you’re one of the few who’ve gotten in, congrats. For
everyone else, good news: he’s now serving seven of his best 4/20 courses, like Cap’n Crunch pancakes
and PB&J poutine, until the end of September. So those seem like better odds.
More Radar in Miami
There’s a New STK in Town
Short Rib by the Beach and Lollapalooza by the Pool
For somebody, today is going to be the day they treat themselves to a vintage 18K-gold Rolex or an Omega Seamaster or a Cartier watch with a perfectly
weathered leather strap. And to that person, we say… “Damn,” and then probably text them that
Sales Are Great, and Here Comes a Big One
The good news: Supply & Advise is having an end-of-season sale. So you get 40% off of stuff like August
Fifteenth shorts, Gant Rugger blazers and Gitman Vintage button-downs. Hopefully you’re not still
awkwardly hanging out and waiting for a part about bad news.
Nice Time of Year for a Garden Bar
New weekday option to add to your roster: Villa Azur just opened up a new garden drinkery called Le Petit
Bar, where you can partake of guava mojitos and blood orange sangria along with short rib croquettes and
oysters. There’s something very right about croquettes in a garden.
STK YOUR CLAIM
There’s a New STK in Town
There’s an STK in Downtown now. You know, for people who like sitting out on patios by the boulevard while
drinking adult juice boxes and eating Wagyu beef burgers and lobster mac and cheese. Just in case you know
This Year, You Watch Lollapalooza Poolside
Just in case you aren’t in Chicago this weekend, East is livestreaming Lollapalooza on their fifth-floor
pool deck. There’ll also be some silent-disco-ing and a photo booth to keep you entertained between sets.
Bless their hearts.
ROLL THE SPICE
So You Need a Little Help Navigating Miami Spice…
Here comes Miami Spice again. To wit…
If you’re the salty air type: Thyme at the Carillon Miami Beach is doing good things with
chickpea panisse and braised short rib. If you’re the river type: Consider Seaspice and their mango scones and brisket melts by
the river. If you’re both types: See above.
More Radar in Miami
Look around you.
If your view noticeably lacks miles of turquoise ocean, frosty pints of beer and a whitewashed billiards table in the middle of it all…
It’s not too late. And with that in mind, we’ve assembled a guide to some of the newer happenings down in the Keys.
Naturally, a brewery will be involved.
And a completely see-through kayak.
And all this other stuff, too…
A Tropical Brewery Is What This Is Yes, it’s the Keys’ very first microbrewery. This momentous achievement requires your respectful observance in their bright, mural-covered taproom, where mermaids sit atop taps and dispense honey hibiscus Kölsch and an oatmeal stout aged in rum barrels. Mermaids are good like that. Florida Keys Brewing Company, 200 Morada Way, Islamorada, 305-916-5206
Pretty Much the Perfect Lunch Just look at this place. You can already picture yourself pulling into Hawks Cay, finding a seat on this nautically outfitted deck and consuming sea-salt-covered tater tots, lobster Reubens and root beer floats. And we’re picturing… Angler & Ale, 61 Hawks Cay Blvd, Duck Key, 305-209-9991
Kayaking Like You’ve Never Kayaked Before Once upon a time, you kayaked in vessels that weren’t completely see-through. Silly you. Let’s rectify that immediately with this Key West outfit that’ll take you out on the water in a clear kayak. All the better to see those turtles, stingrays and barracuda with. Which could be a good or a bad thing. Clearly Unique, 231 Margaret St, Key West, 305-747-8651
Dinner at a Yachting Paradise Lighthouses are a majestic throwback to a bygone time, when one could sit dockside and consume the hogfish they’d caught that day, pan-seared by a chef, while watching mega-yachts navigate their way into a gulfside slip. Or maybe that’s what’s happening at this recently restored lighthouse right now. Same thing. Faro Blanco Resort & Yacht Club, 1996 Overseas Hwy, Marathon, 305-743-9018
A Build-Your-Own Hotel Room A brief statistical rundown of what’s happening at this hotel: one wraparound rooftop deck for scenic nightcaps, two jacuzzis for hot tub hopping, three pools for swimming and numerous ways to configure a room for you and a group of five grown adults. Comfortably. That last part’s the takeaway. NYAH, 420 Margaret St, Key West, 305-296-2131
Billiards with a View Your evening recreation: a round of pool at the Reach’s new steakhouse, Spencer’s. Order a beer and take your best shot while the Atlantic Ocean does its best to distract you from sinking that ball into the corner pocket. Bodies of water almost never play fair. Spencer’s by the Sea at The Reach, 1435 Simonton St, Key West, 305-296-5000