Witch doctors. You’ll be seeing off 2015 with those. Or maybe with Pamela Anderson. It really just depends on which of those New Year’s Eve soirees down there you choose to pursue. And since you’ll need brunch after all that, some of those are down there, too. Seriously, though… witch doctors.
THE TROPICAL OPTION
You require: A tropical retreat. With witch doctors, naturally.
You’ll receive: The Delano, reimagined as a jungle. Orchids and flowers of passion will
be hung. Monkeys and cannibal witch doctors will roam amongst daybeds stocked with champagne. You always
knew 2016 would be the year of the shrunken head.
THE TARYN MANNING OPTION
You require: A DJ. Bubbly. Your 401K still intact.
You’ll receive: An elusive SoBe unicorn: the gratis New Year’s Eve party. They’re
even throwing in a midnight glass of bubbly and two DJs. One of which goes by the name of “Pennsatucky”
on Orange Is the New Black. So that’s new.
THE MAINLAND OPTION
You require: Pamela Anderson. Nothing more, nothing less.
You’ll receive: Playboy’s final centerfold at her finest—hosting a
champagne-rich party by a rooftop pool 50 stories above the city. Prime spot for the midnight fireworks. And
the midnight fireworks. Pretend that double entendre didn’t just happen.
THE MORNING-AFTER TACO BRUNCH
You require: Limitless quantities of DIY tacos.
You’ll receive: All of the create-your-own tacos your hangover desires, along with
barbecue grilling, oyster shucking and caviar stations. Oh, and unlimited mimosas and sparkling wine. You
deserve this.
THE MORNING-AFTER PERUVIAN BRUNCH
You require: Untold amounts of life-restoring ceviche.
You’ll receive: A Peruvian bounty of fortifying seafood, egg-topped lomo saltado, chaufa
(Peruvian fried rice) and bayfront views for quietly reflecting on the year to come. Feel free to reflect
later. It’s whenever, really.
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