Presumably, you’re four days into your resolutions. And presumably, that’s four days too long. So, you know what… f**k it. Eat a 64-ounce steak. Drink $9,650 worth of champagne. Or do any of the other things on the list below. These, friends, are your anti-resolutions.
THE RESOLUTION: BE PRODUCTIVE
So, Canyon Ranch is now the Carillon. And with that change, they’ve brought on a bunch of new spa treatments, including one called the Deep Sleep. You’ll start off floating so that your “brain releases alpha waves” for relaxation and end with a special sedating massage. Not today, productivity.
THE RESOLUTION: WATCH WHAT YOU EAT
You’ve probably had enough food by now to power you right on through 2016. But if a 64-ounce double rib steak served with onion rings and smoked horseradish cream wasn’t somehow part of that, well… you know what to do.
THE RESOLUTION: STAY HOME MORE
You could spend quality time at home, sure. Or you could spend quality time at 1 Hotel’s Presidential Suite instead. It’s got two king master bedrooms, a pool table alcove, a balcony with ocean views and a room service menu by Tom Colicchio. Home is where the Tom Colicchio’s is.
THE RESOLUTION: MAKE SOUND INVESTMENTS
Hypothetically, let’s say you have $40 million burning a hole in your pocket. A hole that can only be filled by a Star Island mansion once owned by Gloria Estefan. With seven bedrooms, a private pool, a hot tub and a dock. Hypothetically, you should also buy some new pants.
THE RESOLUTION: DRINK LESS
A jeroboam of champagne, to be exact. That’s roughly 152 ounces. But this isn’t just any 152 ounces of bubbly. This one’s brought out to your table by a server flying through the air dressed as Supergirl. Or you can opt to have it carried over by the Incredible Hulk instead. Not a tough call.
