And then, the skies opened up and the gods bestowed upon New Yorkers a 7,000-square-foot axe-throwing venue.
As if saying here, New Yorkers. We know you’ve had a hard year, New Yorkers.
Come throw a hatchet at a wooden bullseye with great force, then enjoy a crisp cider in a lumberjack-style lodge, New Yorkers.
The spot is called Kick Axe, and yes, it’s a large, flannel-covered venue full of bulls-eyes and forthcoming malt beverages, opening tomorrow in Gowanus. The first of its kind in New York, actually. And would you look a that, we’ve got a guy in one of those red checkered shirts to tell us all about it.
UD: Hey, man. You look like you might know a thing or two about Kick Axe.
Guy In One of Those Red Checkered Shirts: Funny you should ask. I do.
UD: Excellent. So let’s go ahead and assume I’m a total noob axe-thrower. How does this all go down?
GIOOTRCS: Well the spot’s got 10 ranges for throwing. You and up to 11 of your closest friends will claim one of those, team up with one of the venue’s trained axe throwers, and they’ll explain all the rules and protocols and all that. Then they’ll take y’all by the pair into the range, and let you have at it.
UD: Now, let’s assume I fucking love axe throwing and want to go all the time.
GIOOTRCS: They’ve got memberships for people like us.
UD: What’s up with the drink situation?
GIOOTRCS: They’re waiting on a liquor license at the moment, but as soon as that comes through they’ll have beer and wine. Snacks will be pretty low-key, so count on eating beforehand. There are a bunch of good spots in the area.
UD: Sweet, thank you. Go ahead and tell us a little bit about the lodge.
GIOOTRCS: There are leather couches, furry throws, plaid chairs, taxidermy, a lumberjack-themed photo area with plaid shirts and fake beards…
UD: Is that where you—
UD: Anything else we should know about this place?
GIOOTRCS: Just a good old-fashioned lodge to throw hatchets at targets as you picture said targets as whatever politician/public figure/Weinstein-esque figure/other person in 2017 that’s wronged you and everything you stand for.
UD: Right on. Thanks, man. You’ve been a great help.
GIOOTRCS: It’s been a privilege and an honor enlightening you. See you out there.