How to Promote Yourself Without Sounding Like A Butthole

Imagine meeting a high-ranking executive at a networking event. You really want to make a good impression and have some recent successes you’d like to share. However, you’re worried about coming across as too self-centered. It’s a bit tricky—how do you talk about your achievements without sounding like you’re bragging?

Self-promotion can be a bit of a challenge. While talking about your accomplishments can show you’re competent, it might make you seem less friendly and more self-centered. On the flip side, being modest or sharing setbacks can make you seem approachable but might give the impression that you’re not very competent.

To navigate this dilemma and leave an overall positive impression that combines competence and warmth, recent research suggests a strategy called “dual-promotion.” This means not only talking about your own achievements but also giving credit to a colleague or peer. It consistently improves overall impressions by highlighting your abilities and genuine concern for others, showcasing you as a collaborative and warm professional.

In an in-depth exploration of dual promotion through eleven studies in various contexts—like social media, work evaluations, and statements by U.S. Congress members—participants encountered either self-promotion or dual-promotion statements. These were evaluated based on warmth, competence, and overall impression. A notable example from a study was, “This project’s success owes much to our teamwork. I handled financial analysis, technical processes, and back-end design, while Alex impressed me with handling client communications. Our collaboration led to a commendable outcome.”

Across 2,558 participants and different situations, dual-promotion consistently outperformed self-promotion alone, enhancing perceptions of warmth without compromising evaluations of competence. Surprisingly, in some cases, dual-promotion even improved competence perceptions.

Looking at how politicians describe their achievements over a decade, those who complimented others while boasting about themselves were more favorably evaluated, irrespective of political affiliations.

Why isn’t dual-promotion more common, given its benefits? It’s because it goes against our instincts. Advocating for others may seem counterintuitive to highlighting personal accomplishments. Overcoming this instinct requires effort, as our default tendency is either self-promotion or silence.

To start dual-promoting, here are some steps:

1. Recognize the Benefits of Dual-Promotion: Understand that promoting others isn’t just selfless—it also benefits you.
2. Practice Dual-Promotion: Identify someone, think about their achievements, and include compliments when talking about them. When in a team, praising teammates builds camaraderie. Take Taylor Swift’s promotion of her album as an example: “I reached out to artists who influenced my lyricism and asked them to contribute. Hayley Williams and Fall Out Boy played pivotal roles.”
3. Keep Other-Promotion Genuine: Be specific when praising collaborations. Authenticity lies in detailing colleagues, joint achievements, and the impact of collective efforts.
4. Incorporate Self-Promotion: Aim for a delicate balance. Dual-promotion seeks harmony, ensuring credit for individual achievements. While praising others is good for building connections, dual-promotion uniquely enhances perceptions of both warmth and competence.

This approach addresses gender dynamics, particularly for women who are less inclined to self-promote. By adopting dual-promotion, we can bridge the self-promotion gap and ensure women receive due credit for their accomplishments.

In the ongoing debate between competence and warmth, the most likable individuals are those perceived as both skilled and friendly. While not everyone can be like Tom Hanks, dual-promotion emerges as a strategy to project a harmonious blend of warmth and competence. So, the next time you want to share your accomplishments, be confident in your self-praise, making sure it’s accompanied by acknowledgment for someone else.