Please, sit down.
Before we begin, you’ll need this—splendorous visual evidence that what’s detailed below actually exists.
Take a peek.
Gape, if gaping comes naturally.
And then, because words alone will not suffice, direct your attention to our numerical guide to The Golden Tiki, now open all night in Chinatown…
22: Libations on the bar’s menu, from Painkillers to a treasure chest containing Veuve Clicquot and Jamaican rum.
Approximately 500: Gallons of water between the waterfall and the fountain in the lava-rock cave entrance. Yes, there’s a lava-rock cave.
Over 2,000: LED stars and fireworks illuminating the ceiling, which also imitates tropical storms.
2: Ideal number of humans on the giant clamshell love seat. Obviously.
6: Grapefruits lining a shelf in an ode to Hunter S. Thompson, whose very own pocketknife is also on display.
60+: Shrunken skulls depicting Wayne Newton, Nicolas Cage and other Vegas icons.
691: Words in “The Legend of the Golden Tiki,” a lurid prequel to the bar involving a merchantman named William Tobias Faulkner, a fabled destination called Skull Island and a madness-inducing golden idol.
1: Animatronic skeletons of William Tobias Faulkner.
Spoiler alert?
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